Nice manicure

One of the important and oft-repeated tasks of being the technical guy is the technical writing portion of the program (right behind the talent competition and the swimsuit finals). Whenever there are new winemaking protocols put into place, or a new kit is introduced with different volumes, specific gravity numbers or sequence of procedures we have to update those specific instruction sets.

This is actually harder than it looks. Anyone who has ever read stereo instructions, or tried to set the clock on the VCR (oh dear, that is dating myself, isn't it?) knows the frustration of reading some confusing construction put in by an engineer who only speaks math as a first language. And the instructions have to fit on one single sheet of paper, 11"x17", in a typeface big enough to be read by old geezers like me. Luckily I'm unhampered by an engineering degree or math skills, so I can usually bull though the little changes and updates pretty easily. Most folks never notice when we tidy up confusing tenses or clumsy wordings or put in new sg numbers to reflect a new addition to the lineup.

How sharper than a serpent's tooth is the tongue of a merciless copy editor

But once every couple of years it's time to dust off all of the instruction sets and give them a thorough going-over. In addition to fiddling with numbers, times and working to clarify what I actually mean by, 'Stir vigorously', we also get them professionally copy edited by someone who understands not only the proper use of the Oxford comma, but also is an international authority on apostrophe's (har). The goal, of course, is to make the instructions concise and user-friendly, while still maintaining the brevity that encourages people to actually read them. 

So, who out there wants to participate in an exercise in crowdsourcing? Have you got a beef with the instructions as they is writ? Want some clarification, qualification, or an absence of equivocation? Then tell me. Participation is as follows:

• Brevity is the soul of getting your suggestion in: the instructions are already almost as long as they're ever going to be, so extended explanations have to go somewhere else--like articles in Winemaker Magazine, or blog entries
• Major procedural changes based on personal experience are not likely to be included. The instructions as such are pretty streamlined and are proven through trial fermentations--thousands of them.
• Make sure your suggestions are general enough to apply to all wine kit instructions, or are specific to the company I represent (Winexpert). I don't write 'em for any of the other companies anymore, although I would be more than happy to pass your suggestions along to my colleagues in the industry. My instruction sets are here.
  
• Send your suggestion to tim@winexpert.com, with the subject line, 'Instruction Changes'. 
• I won't be able to reply to all of your suggestions personally: I get hundreds of emails a week and my boss actually expects me to do actual work and not just type away on the internets all day. But there are prizes for all suggestions used!
  
• Did I say prizes? My choice, no intrinsic value intended or implied, may not be combined with any other offers, all prizes final, skill testing question,void where prohibited by common sense or liability laws or corporate lawyers. You may wind up with an autographed photo of me, or something of even less value. You have been warned.
  

That's it. If the instructions have been irritating you for years, now's your chance to stick your oar in and have me actually pay attention. Hivemind, ho!